and i looked up. we had an audience...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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