the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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