Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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