I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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