So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
