What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
