Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
