Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
