man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
