Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
