I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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