Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
