If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
