Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She told me I should be a condom model.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
