So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
