hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize