just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
