tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My feet surprised me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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