Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
