Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
