She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
