That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Everclear isn't food dammit
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
