you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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