I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
