ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
