sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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