He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
