I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
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Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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