I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
