he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
