I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
