Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
