had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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