I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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