Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The ass gains better be worth it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
