Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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