If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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