We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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