Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
