Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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