How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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