dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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