Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
