how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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