Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
