we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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