i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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