I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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