Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
