Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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