At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
