if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
