I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
