I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
