ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
