I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
