Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
