you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
