I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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