you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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