She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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