Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I could fuck to npr.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
