why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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