so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
