You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
