Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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