Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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