Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
