She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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