How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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