This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
