if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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