Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
