pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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