I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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