I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
